笑抽了的英语笑话大全

导语：中文笑话我们都听得懂，其实英语笑话也不难，而且英语笑话也充满幽默，让我们一起来看看吧!

1 A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum(精神病院) and he hears all the residents inside chanting, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye.

Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

一个人在精神病院的木围墙外路过，听见里面所有的人在唱，十三!十三! 十三!

他很好奇，就找到围墙的一个洞，然后看进去。突然有个人捅到了他的眼睛。

然后里面所有人开始唱，十四!十四!十四!

2 Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.

旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗?

售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。

3 Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么?”

4 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

5 Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing.

The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help.

The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead."

Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。

另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。

接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”

6 Teacher: Walter, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.

Walter: What was it?

Teacher: Eggs.

Walter: Wrong. That was yesterday.

老师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。

沃尔特：我吃了什么?

老师：鸡蛋。

沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。