笑破肚子的英语笑话大全

导语：笑话来源于生活，却又可以让我们的生多些欢乐、开心，现在，美文故事小编为大家整理了笑破肚子的英语笑话大全，一起来开心爆笑下！

1 "Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."

"啊，可怜的人，"善良的老妇人惊叹道。"脚瘸就够惨的了，要是眼瞎就更糟了。"

"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."

"你说的一点儿没错，"那乞丐说。他显然是乞讨老手。"我眼瞎的时候，人们老是给我外币。"

2 Dusk, I jog in the road industry. Have a young man ran up from behind me, in my ear hastily cried: "Run!" "What happened?" I ask young people around him. "Ran quickly." Young people go in front of me. My rapid recovery of the 500 meters after the breathless questions: "What happened in the end?" "You run too slow." Young people leaving me, a big move back and forth.

黄昏的时候，我在产业道路上慢跑。有一个年轻人从我后面跑上来，在我耳边急促地叫着：“快跑!”“发生了什么事?”我问身旁的年轻人。“赶快跑。”年轻人跑到我的前面。我快速的追了五百公尺以后，气喘吁吁的追问：“到底发生了什么事?”“你跑得太慢了。”年轻人丢下我，自顾自往前跑去。

3 Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?

老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.

小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?

老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢?

Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.

4 One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”

5 A shoplifter(商店扒手) was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook(骗子，坏蛋) looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”

经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"

6 In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer(门厅，大厅) . A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?

Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all.

Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row.

在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：

对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗?

是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。

噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。