英语笑话大全爆笑长一点

幽默的人不仅仅会说笑话，还要懂得他人说的笑话，来测试一下你的幽默细胞的指数有多高吧!

英语笑话大全爆笑长一点篇一：Missing

The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgentproblem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME"

英语笑话大全爆笑长一点篇二：Driving Offences

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.

Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.

Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! [The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]

Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"

The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"

Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."

英语笑话大全爆笑长一点篇三：One Request

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are in a maximum security prison in the U.S, about to do 10 years each in solitary for crimes they didn't commit. One of the Guards takes pity on them and says, "Look lads, I can't get you off the hook, but what I can do as a consolation is give each of you a ten year supply of whatever you want. So what will it be?"

The Englishman says, "Well I love a cup of tea, so I'd like 10 years' worth of tea." The guard obliges and leads the englishman down.

The Scotsman says, "I really like a drink, personally. 10 years' worth of Whiskey would suit me great." The guard gets the Scotsman his whiskey and takes him down to his cell.

The Irishman says, "You know what, I really like a smoke. My wish would be 10 years' worth of cigarettes." His request is granted and he is taken down to do his 10 years.

10 years later the three men are finally released. The Englishman comes out and says to the guard, "Thanks, that supply of tea really helped to get me through. Thanks a lot." Then he leaves.

The Scotsman comes out drunk as a monkey. He walks up to the guard and hugs and thanks him. "Thanks mate, those 10 years went by quick as a flash." He trundles happily off, staggering all over the place.

The Irishman emerges looking terrible. "Have you got a light?", he says.

英语笑话大全爆笑长一点篇四：Halloween Party

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate'soutfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: "Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."

The man is really furious now, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your head, stick your wooden leg up your ass - go as a toffee apple."