爆笑英语幽默笑话

导语：会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在小编也来当笑话大王啦!美文故事小编给大家收集整理了爆笑英语幽默笑话，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!

1 One day, the teacher inquired Peter: How much is four minus four?Peter was tongue-tied.

The teacher got angry and said: What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?

The hole.replied Peter.

一天，老师问彼得：4减4等于几?彼得张口结舌答不上来。

老师生气地说：真笨!比如我给你衣袋里装进4个硬币，可你衣袋上有个窟窿，硬币全从这里漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里还剩下什么?

还剩下个窟窿。彼得答道。

2 Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

3 An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'

'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.'

The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.'

'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'

'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'

一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱?”

“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。”

老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。”

店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”

“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

4 A tiger caught a deer and wanted to eat it,the deer said : " You can't eat me."

The tiger was puzzled and then asked : " Why ?"

" Because I'm a National second-class protection animal."

The tiger laughed : " But we can't let the National first class protection animal die to hangry for the sake of the second-class protection animal."

老虎抓到一头鹿，要把它吃掉，鹿说：“你不能吃我。”

老虎一愣：“为什么?”

“因为我是国家二级保护动物。”

老虎笑了：“总不能为了二级保护动物而让一级保护动物饿死吧!”

5 Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."

三只老鼠坐在酒吧吹牛,谈论他们的勇气和能耐。

第一个说:"我非常历害,曾吃过一整袋老鼠药!”

第二个说:“我也非常历害,一旦我被捕鼠器捕到,我咬断了它!”

然后第三只老鼠起身说:“伙计,我呆会儿离开家去骚扰猫。”

6 There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."

The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

有两头奶牛隔着牛拦正在交谈!

第一头奶牛说："我告诉你，疯牛病真是很吓人，他们说它正在迅速蔓延,我听说一些牛正在放在约翰逊农场”。

另一头奶牛说："我不担心，他不会影晌我们鸭子"