大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子

会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在小编也来当笑话大王啦!小编给大家收集整理了大笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!

True Dedication

好投入啊!

Mrs. Fortesque was getting more and more worried.

福特斯克太太越来越担心，

Her husband had left for a round of golf early in the morning and by mid-afternoon he still wasn't home.

因为她先生一早出去打高尔夫球，到下午三四点都还没回家，

Evening came and Mr.Fortesque still hadn't returned.

甚至到傍晚也还不见人影。

The lady was just about to call the police when she heard her husband's car pulling into the drive way,

福特斯克太太正要打电话报警就听到她先生开车回来了。

Rushing outside, she told her husband, "Darling, I was so worried about you. What kept you?"

她冲出门外，向她先生说道："亲爱的，我一整天都在担心你，是什么事把你耽搁了?"

"Charlie had a heart attack on the fourth hole."

“查理在第四洞时心脏病发作。”

"Oh, my goodness, that's terrible!"

“喔，天哪，真可怕!”

"You're telling me! All day long it was shoot the ball, drag Charlie, shoot the ball, drag Charlie . . . . "

“那还用你说吗!-整天我都一边打球，一边拉查理，一会儿打球，一会儿拖查理，……

Make a Wish

许个愿吧!

Every morning on his way to work, a business man passed a house where he saw a woman beating her looy on the head with a loaf of bread.

每天早晨一位商人在上班途中都会经过一户人家，他总是看见一个女人用一条面包打她儿子的头部。

But on this particular day, he noticed that she was hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake.

但今天却比较特别，他发现她正用一块巧克力蛋糕打他的头。

Unable to restrain his curiosity, he rang the doorbell and the woman answere .

他忍不住好奇，便按了那户人家的门铃。女人听了铃声，出来开门。

"Madam, I couldn't help but notice that every day you beat your child with a loaf of bread. . . "

“这位太太，每天经过这里我都忍不住会注意到你用一条面包打你儿子……”

"That's true ."

"那倒是不假……"

"And yet today I observed that you were hitting him with a piece of chocolate cake. ',

"可是今天我却看见你用一块巧克力蛋糕打他。"

“Well, today's his birthday. ”

“今天是他生日嘛。”

A Precocious Child

一个早熟的小孩

When the door-to-door salesman rang the doorbell of the suburban home,

当挨家挨户兜售东西的推销员按了一幢郊区房子的门铃后，

he was taken a back when a 10-year-old boy opened the door smoking a big cigar.

他吓了一跳，开门的竟是一位嘴里叼着一根大雪茄的十岁男孩。

The salesman could only stammer out, "Er, is your mother at home?"

推销员结结巴巴地问道，“哦，你妈妈在家吗?”

Answered the boy, "What do you think?"

小男孩回答说，"你认为呢?"

A Remarkable Talent

一位了不起的天才

"Did you know I could tell time by the piano?" asked one friend of another.

“你相信我可以由钢琴知道现在几点钟吗?’一位老兄向他的朋友问道。

"You're kidding," replied his companion dubiously.

“别开玩笑了!”他的朋友怀疑地回答。

"I'll show you," said the first man as he sat down at the piano and started to hammer out a martial tune.

“那我试给你看，”说着那位老兄就坐在钢琴前开始弹起一首进行曲。

Within seconds came a pounding on the wall, and an angry voice shouting,

几秒钟后墙壁传来捶打声，一个愤怒的声音叫道：

"Hey, you son of a bitch, don’t you realize it,s three o’clock in the morning?"

“嘿!你他妈的，你知不知道现在是凌晨三点钟?”

City Suckers

城里来的傻瓜

Two city folk were on a drive in the country, but got completely lost.

两个城市里的老兄在一条乡间小道上开车迷了路，

Pulling over next to an old farmer, they asked him if he knew the way back to the city.

他们把车停靠一位老农夫旁边，问他知不知道回城里的路。

"Nope. Can't say that I do," replied the old hayseed.

“不，我不知道，”老农夫答道。

"Well, can you tell us how to get back to the main highway?"

“那你知道回到主要公路要怎么走吗?’

"Nope. Don't know that, either. "

“不，我也不知道。”

"Well, you sure don't know much, do you?"

"喔，你好像不太熟悉这里的路况，是吗?"

" Could be. . . but I ain't lost, neither."

“可以这么说，……可是我也不会迷路。”