经典爆笑英语笑话集锦

总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里小编收集整理了经典爆笑英语笑话集锦，让你的心情速速好起来。

经典爆笑英语笑话一：Goldfish 金鱼

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们?

Stan: In the bathroom.

斯丹：浴室。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办?

Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!

斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛!

经典爆笑英语笑话二：Like a Straw

There were these two not so bright guys who had to get across the desert. Since they didn't have enough money for a car they decided to buy a camel.

The camel dealer promised them that the camel would get them across the desert if they made sure he was full of water before they left. They took the camel down to the water hole, but the camel would not drink. So finally the first guy says: "I have an idea, why don't I hold his head down in the water and you suck on his butt. That way the water will be drawn up into him like a straw." The second gut thought about this for a while and finally agreed.

After a while the first guy asks "Well is it working?"

The second guy replied "I think it is going to work, but you have to pick his head up just a little because I'm just getting mud."

经典爆笑英语笑话三：Creativity

创造力

On the first night of an adult creative-writing class，the instructor asked the students to tell the class why they were taking the course. One woman explained，"I have five chil-dren and so I've decided to channel my creativity in another direction, "

在为成人开设的创造性写作班上第一节课时，老师先请同学们谈谈上此课的目的。一位妇女是这样说的:“我已经生了五个孩于，所以，我决定把我的创造力引向别的方面去去."

关于最简单的英语笑话篇四

Flower talk

花的语言

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It With Flowers".

一位先生走进一家生意兴隆的商店。他见到花店的大广告牌上写着:“让鲜花代替您的语言。”

"Wrap up one rose,"he told the florist.

“请包一支玫瑰。”他对卖花的人说。

"Only one?"the florist asked.

“就要一支?”卖花人问。

" Just one，“the customer replied.“I'm a man of few words. "

“对，就一支。”那位先生说:“我这个人讲话不多。”

经典爆笑英语笑话四：Gorilla In a Tree

As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was reassured that a gorilla recovering units was on the way and to remain calm.

A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulled up to the house. The elderly driver proceeds to recover from the back of the truck, a chiwawa dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat, and a 12-gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla that had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap asked him how he would go about doing this. As he handed him over the 12-gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explained the plan:

"First I'll climb up there with the ladder. Then I'll approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat. As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chiwawa will attack its private parts. When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered its hands to its groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs. Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo..."

Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner asked why he was handed the 12-gauge shotgun?

"Well," explained the experienced gorilla retriever, "It's just a precaution should things not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball, shoot the dog."

经典爆笑英语笑话五：弄巧成拙

One evening my husband's golfing buddy drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture，he decided not to mention it to his wife,who tended to get jealous easily.

一天晚上，我丈夫一位打高尔夫球的朋友开车送他的秘书回家。那个秘书是因为在公司的招待会上喝多了点儿，不能自己驾车回家。这事虽然无可厚非，但是他还是决定不把

这事告诉他那爱吃蜡的妻子。

Later that night my husband's friend and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat.Not wanting to be conspicuous， he waited until his wife was looking out of her window before he ,scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief , he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her .seat.” Honey,"she asked，“

have you seen my other shoe?"

也就在同天晚上，这位朋友送走秘书后，又带着妻子驱车去饭店吃晚饭。无意中他看见一只高跟鞋半掩在后座椅子下。他不想引起怀疑，趁妾子扭头看窗外的时侯，掏出了那

只鞋，把它扔出了车外。他大大地松了一口气，把汽车停在了饭店外的停车场。这时，他发现他妻子正低头找着什么东西。妻子问:“亲爱的，你看见我的那只鞋了吗?"