机智幽默的英语笑话

导语：经常讲一些笑话，不仅能给自己带来快乐，还能感染他人，这里小编收集整理了机智幽默的英语笑话，一起来看看吧!

1 One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm1) a mother was tucking her small boy into bed.She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor2) in his voice，“Mommy，will you sleep with me tonight ?”The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring3) hug. “I can' t，dear.” She said.“I have to sleep in Daddy's room.”Along silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice：“The big sissy4).”

一个夏季的晚上，雷雨大作，母亲让小男孩上床钻进被窝。她正准备熄灯，孩子声音颤抖地问：“妈咪，你今晚可以陪我睡吗?”母亲笑着，拥抱一下小孩安慰说，“亲爱的，不可以。我得睡在爸爸的房间。”一阵长长的沉默之后，男孩小声地用颤音说：“大胆小鬼。”

2 Two twins went to the kindergarten.“Who's the elder and who's the younger one?” asked a nurse.

两个双胞胎走进幼儿园。“你们两个谁大谁小?”保育员问。

One of them winked and said，“Elder brother，don't tell her.”

其中的一个眨了眨眼睛说，“哥哥，不要告诉她。”

3 One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”

4 Teacher：“I have two questions，it isn't necessary to answer the second question if you know the result of the first question.How much hair do you have?”

老师：“我有两个题目，你若能答出第一题就不需答第二题。你有多少根头发?”

Student ：“A hundred and twenty millions.”

学生：“1.2亿根。”

Teacher：“How do you know it?”

老师：“你怎么知道?”

Student：“It is not necessary to answer the second question.”

学生：“第二题不需回答。”

5 Mother：“Susie，every time you misbehave，I get another gray hair.”

母亲：“苏茜，每次你表现不好，我就多长一根白头发。”

Susie：“Gosh，mom，you must have been a terror.Just look at Grandma.”

苏茜：“天哪，妈，那你肯定一直都表现很糟。看看外婆吧。”

6 Father：“Uh，oh，I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.”

父亲：“哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。”

Susie：“That' s okay，Dad，the policeman behind you just did the same thing.”

苏茜：“没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。”