绝对逗笑你的爆笑英语笑话

爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，因为笑可以让人充满正能量，更能让自己面对挫折，勇往直前，这里美文故事小编收集整理了绝对逗笑你的爆笑英语笑话，让你爆笑每一天。

1 One real man

The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(严格地，严厉地).

Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(劝告，建议) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(胆小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

一个真正的男子汉

古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。

然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。

国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。

陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。

2 Once there was a king. He likes to write stories, but his stories were not good. As people were afraid of him, they all said his stories were good.

One day the king showed his stories to a famous writer. He waited the writer to praise these stories. But the writer said his stories were so bad that he should throw them into fire. The king got very angry with him and sent him to prison.

After some time, the king set him free. Again he showed him some of his new stories and asked what he thought of them.

After reading them, the writer at once turned to the soldiers and said: “ Take me back to prison, please.”

国王和他的故事

从前有一个国王，他喜欢写故事，但是他写的故事很不好。人们怕他，都说他的故事好。有一天国王把他的故事给一名作家看，他想要作家赞扬他的这些故事，而作家说他的故事是如此的差以至于该扔进火里。国王很生气，把他送到监狱。

过了些日子，国王给了作家自由。国王重新将自己的一些新故事给作家看并问他感觉怎么样。

作家看了之后立刻转身对士兵说着;“请把我送回监狱吧。”

3 Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.

Two hours later, he didn’t come back. She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look. She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting.

“What’s the matter?” She asked him. “Why don’t you bring it in?”

“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.

从前有一个笨人的妻子让她的丈夫买几块冰。

两个小时后，他还没回来。

她想知道他为什么没回来，就出去看了看，发现她的丈夫在门口站着，在太阳下晒冰，看着冰融化。

她问他：“怎么啦?你为什么不把它拿进来?”

“我看见冰是湿的，恐怕你会训斥我，因此，我正在把它晒干。”笨人回答道。

4 A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn?t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money.And the lawyer was right. When The man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.

一个男子因为侵吞雇主数百万元被抓,他去寻求律师辩护。他不想进监狱。但是，他的律师告诉他，“不要担心。你将永远不会和这些钱一起入狱。律师是正确的。当男子被送往监狱，他没有剩一分钱。

5 A Brain TransplantThe Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant. You have your choice of two brains, he told the patien. For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician. The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. Is the brain of a politician that much better? he asked. The Brain Surgeon replied, No, it’s not better, just unused.

脑移植手术一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。 你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。医生告诉病人，一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。 病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，政治家的大脑好一些吗?他问。 医生说，不是好一些，只是没有用过。

6 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."