令人喷饭经典英语笑话大全

导语：笑话大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。美文故事小编YJ你挑选了令人喷饭的英语经典笑话大全，希望你会喜欢，一起来欢乐笑笑啊!
 

1As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。”

2A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

有一个丈夫和妻子都是91岁，他们站在法官面前，要求离婚。“我不明白，”法官说，“你们为什么到了这把年纪还要离婚?”丈夫解释道：“嗯，你是知道的，我们以前是哟等到孩子们都死了。”

3Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?

年少的童子军：我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?

Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

年长的童子军：上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来，那就是蘑菇。

4 第一次打电话叫TAXI......

对方问where you from.....

我回答CHINA,还在奇怪叫taxi还分国籍~

?对方可能以为我在搞 笑,很郁闷的说 sorry, we can not do that(抱歉我们去不了).....

我一听...火大...怎么有种族歧视啊..

就问: why~?

对方楞了半天,挂了.....

5 After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."

在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别?”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。

6 "Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."

"啊，可怜的人，"善良的老妇人惊叹道。"脚瘸就够惨的了，要是眼瞎就更糟了。"

"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."

"你说的一点儿没错，"那乞丐说。他显然是乞讨老手。"我眼瞎的时候，人们老是给我外币。"

7Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

Tom: Men.

汤姆:男人们。

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

Tom : Twins.

汤姆: 双胞胎。

8 Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平!”

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐!”

9 有个朋友来加拿大第一次去吃牛排，服务员问How would you like your steak done?

我朋友没听懂，就听别人点的时候说medium , 他就想“我不能跟他们学”

他就跟服务员说，large please.

服务员一愣，说sorry we don’t have that.

然后他又说，small please.

服务员又吓了一跳，说sorry we don’t have that.

他身边的朋友着急了，告诉他，人家问你牛排要几分熟。

他随口就说80%。

服务员又一愣说，sorry we don’t have that……

10 刚来的时候去麦当劳吃饭 没有餐巾 然后跟人说要paper。

那人过会给我拿来了张白纸 还问do you need a pen?(还要笔吗?)

我狂晕了半天 然后去厕所洗手的

注：paper是纸，餐巾纸应该是tissue