生活爆笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子

生活需要笑话，笑话能愉悦我们的心情，今天我们就一起来看看生活爆笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子吧!

生活爆笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子(一)

As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time.

作为一个小学的乐队指挥，为了确保学生投入足够的时间练习，我要求他们上交由他们父母签字的练习单。

I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes, but it seemed like hours.

可是有一次，一位家长的签字把我逗乐了。练习单上写着：“练习了17分钟，但犹如几个时辰。”

生活爆笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子(二)

To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project.

为避免我们的狗，莱希，纠缠来访的客人，我母亲常在爱犬喜欢呆的地方，即餐桌下面，摩昵它。一天，一个建筑商来谈居室装潢工程。

As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet.

在这人和我母亲坐在餐桌边谈居室的修茸时，我母亲滑脱了她的鞋子，开始不经意地用脚摩蹭起莱希来。

My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.

谈话进行了半个小时的时候，我母亲突然感到很不好意思起来，因为这时她听到了莱希在前门外的犬吠声。

生活爆笑英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子(三)

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage.

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。

A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half.

一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。

The crowd cheered.

观众欢呼起来。

Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters.

紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。

A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast.

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来--然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。

The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely,

观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，

yet he continued to smile.

然而他还在微笑着。

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled.

“你为什么这么高兴?”有人嚷道，

"You missed!"

“你没击中!”

"Ah," replied the swordsman,

“啊，”剑手答道，

"you weren't watching very carefully.

“你刚才没有很仔细地看。

They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father.

苍蝇还活着，是的--但他永远也做不成爸爸了。