学生英语笑话故事

一个人的聪明才智会在幽默的谈吐中闪光，并且会深深吸引他人。下面，小编给大家收集整理了学生英语笑话故事，增加幽默细胞，聪明的你一定会成为闪光点。

学生英语笑话故事一：Three Government Contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; one from NewJersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that friends, is how it all works!

经典的高中英语笑话：What is 1+2?

Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.

Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.

Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.

学生英语笑话故事二：heaven

Following a distinguished1 legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment. The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial2 suite3 including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations."

St. Peter replied, "We have over a hundred Popes here, and we're really very bored with them. We've never had a lawyer."

学生英语笑话故事三：The world's smartest dog 世界上最聪明的狗

here once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the final. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.

For the final each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.

The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try.

The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" The dog built a suspension bridge.

The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?

The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tollsfrom the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.

在一场狗秀的活动中，人们要选出一只世界上最聪明的狗。有三只狗进入了决赛，它们的主人分别是：医生，建筑师和律师。

最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头，看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道：“听诊器，上!”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。

裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品，但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。

建筑师说道：“滑尺，上!”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。

裁判们左右为难，到底该选哪一只呢?

律师说道：“钻(法律)空子，上!”这只狗吃掉了骨头，对那座桥征收了百分之百的税，并向其他两只狗进行勒索。

学生英语笑话故事四：job interview

An engineer, a physicist1, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"

The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."

The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After aconsultation2 with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."

The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"