英语幽默笑话大全笑破你的肚子

笑话来源于生活，却又可以让我们的生多些欢乐、开心，现在，一起来开心爆笑下。

英语幽默笑话大全笑破你的肚子(1)

老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?

老师说：Go ahead.

小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.

小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?

小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊!

某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢! (三)

江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。

翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."

翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." (四)爆笑英语短笑话

话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿!」

B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特!」

轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出! 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」

一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。 他不放心的问道:turn left?

监考官回答：right.

于是他立刻向右转。

很抱歉他只有下次再来。

传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。

教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了(Virgin Maria).

克林顿(坏笑中)：Sorry，it"s too late.

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too.

某人听后又道：I am sorry three.

老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?

某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.

一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了!当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”

后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much?”出租车司机说：“1000!”

日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵?”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer(计 程表)!Made in Japan! It is very fast!”

英语老师问一个学生，“How are you是什么意思”

学生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你?”

老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you ?是什么意思?”

这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你。”

某男，粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是sex。

该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week“。

签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.“ 该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female“，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?“

男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.”

英语幽默笑话大全笑破你的肚子(2)

1.a kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

2.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

3.a great man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗? 学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

4Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does

your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."

6.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢? 男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗

金牙。那就更糟了。

7.The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

8.Class and Ass