美文故事英语幽默笑话大全

导语：笑话蕴含着生活的智慧，不只逗笑我们也会让我们思考很多，今天美文故事小编就为大家带来了英语幽默笑话大全，欢迎阅读!

1 A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

译文： 医生懂得多

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

2 You can't go without me

The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him.

"Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.

"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.

"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.

译文： 没有我你们走不了

公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路. "喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.

"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说. "但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.

3 The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me...how did you guess?" "Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."

老师注意到约翰尼走神很久了，她决定吸引他的注意力。“约翰尼，”她说，“如果地球的直径是25,000英哩，鸡蛋每打买60美分，那么我多大?” “三十四，”约翰尼毫不犹豫地回答。 老师答道，“嗯，那与我的实际年龄差不多。告诉我...你是怎么猜到的?” “噢，这没什么。”约翰尼说，“我的大姐是17岁，而她有一半疯狂。”

1 Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平!”

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐!”

2 Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?

Tom: Men.

汤姆:男人们。

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?

Tom : Twins.

汤姆: 双胞胎。

1 A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

一个孩子好奇的问妈妈：“妈咪，为什么你的头发有的变灰白了?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

妈妈想利用这个机会好好教育教育她的孩子：“因为你啊，宝贝。每次你不听话，我就会有一根头发变灰白的。”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

孩子天真的回答：“现在我知道为什么外祖母头上只有灰白的头发了。”

2 The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, "Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?" When the couple reached their room, the piqued bride demanded: "Who was that woman?!" "Take it easy, honey," said the groom, "I'm going to have trouble enough explaining you to her."

一对新婚夫妇走进位于迈阿密海滩旅馆的电梯。电梯操作员是一个漂亮的金发碧眼的美女，看到他们十分惊奇，她说：“嗨，Teddy,你好吗?”夫妇俩到了他们自己的房间，愤怒的新娘要求丈夫做出解释：“那女人是谁?!”“冷静点，宝贝，”新郎说： “我得对她解释你是谁，这已经足够烦死我了。”

3 Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

三位男子在公园的长椅土坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。

A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其他两位。

"Oh yes," he said. "They are my friends”

“喔，认识，”他说，“他们是我的朋友”

"In that case," warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

“那样的话，”警察告诫说，“你最好把他们从这里弄走。”

"Yes, sir." the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

“好的，瞥官。”那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂地做起划桨的动作来。

4 Tom is a very old man. After dinner, he likes walking in the street. And he goes to bed at seven o’clock.

汤姆是一位老人，他喜欢在晚饭后到大街上散步，在7点回来睡觉。

But tonight, a car stopped at his house. A policeman helps him get out. He tells Tom’s wife, “The old man couldn’t find his way in the street. He asked me to take him in the car.”

但是，今天晚上一辆小汽车停在他家门前，汤姆在一位警察的帮助下走下汽车。警察告诉汤姆的妻子：“这位老人在街上迷路了，他让我用汽车送他回来。”

After the policeman leaves there, his wife asks, “Tom, you go to the street every night. But tonight you can't find the way, what's the matter?”

警察走后：“汤姆，你每天都到那条街上散步，但是今天你迷路了，你怎么了?”

The old man smiles like a child and says, “I couldn't find my way? I didn't want to walk home.”

这位老人像孩子般的笑道：“我迷路了?我是不想走路回家。”