无厘头的英语笑话

导语：会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在小编也来当笑话大王啦!美文故事小编给大家收集整理了无厘头的英语笑话，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!

1、 "A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

......"

2、 "A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her ""no."" The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, ""Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don‘t be upset. It won‘t be long.""

......"

3、 "Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, ""I‘m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!""

The second says, ""Well I‘m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!""

......"

4、 "A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.He watched the game in astonishment for a while.""I can hardly believe my eyes!"" he exclaimed.""That‘s the smartest dog I‘ve ever seen.""

......The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge.Some people are afraid of heights.Not me, I‘m afraid of widths.

I had a dog once.I spilled spot remover on him, and now he‘s gone.

I put contact lenses in my dog‘s eyes.They had little pictures of cats on them.Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

......"

5、 "There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, ""I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary.They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.""

......"

6、 "Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.One says, ""Let‘s fly out of the cave and get some blood.""

""We‘re new here,"" says the second one.""It‘s dark out, and we don‘t know where to look.We‘d better wait until the other bats go with us.""

......"

7、 "Mrs. peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn‘t accommodate her with an ""after-hours"" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, ""I‘ll leave the key under the mat.Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I‘ll mail you a check.By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won‘t bother you.I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!""

......"

8、 "I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog.It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type.In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off.This happened all the way through the film.After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.

......"

9、 purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.

purrverse: poem about a strange kitty.

purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.

Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.

purrpetual:Everlasting love for domesticated felines.

purrson: A male kitty.

......

10、 "The animals were bored.Finally, the lion had an idea.""I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football.I‘ve seen it on T.V.""

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play.They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

......"