令人喷饭的英语笑话有翻译

导语：你知道学些笑话的好处么?当第一次见面的时候，总是有不知道该说什么的尴尬，这时候你就需要一些笑话，来缓解一下气氛呢，这里小编为你收集整理了令人喷饭的英语笑话有翻译，希望能对你有所帮助哈!

1 TOM'S EXCUSE

Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go

Slow".

汤姆的借口

老师：汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?

汤姆：我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行."

2 One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition——If I am a manager.

All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。

所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。

“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

3 When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

我没有睡着

当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

4 Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor." www.meiwengushi.com

杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的?"护士问. "有!"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."

5 A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings. “Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull thered string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German。” replies the shop keeper.www.meiwengushi.com

“And whathappens if I pull both the strings?”our curious shopper inquires. “I fall off my perch you fool!!” screeches the parrot.

有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。在那里，他看见有只鹦鹉的左腿被红线系住，右腿则被绿线系住。对此他感到不解，于是他问该店的老板，老板回答说：“这只鹦鹉受过特殊的训练。如果拉红线，它就讲法语，拉绿线，它则讲德语。”

这个好奇的人接着问，“要是我两条线都拉，会怎么样呢?”

“我就会掉下来了，你这个傻瓜!!”鹦鹉尖叫着说。

6 No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice.

“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her.

So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl.He told his friendly adviser：

“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother.And just as you said，mother liked her”

“So，”asked the friend，“what happened?”

“Nothing，”said the young man.“My father hates her!”

无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：

“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。”

于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。

他对他友好的忠告者说：

“正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。”

“那后来呢?”朋友问。

“没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她!”

7 Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?”

Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.”

Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?”

Father：“A convert，my son.”

有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒?”

父亲(一位老资格的政治家)：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”

有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢?”

父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”

8 It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.

“Who gave him thay thing?”answered Tom’s mother.

“Oh,”said his father.

Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working during the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.

But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let’s find it.”

那天是汤姆五岁的生日，他从家人那里得到了很多不错的礼物，其中有一件礼物是一只漂亮的大鼓。

“这是谁给他的呢?”汤姆妈妈问道。

“哦。”爸爸说。

当然，汤姆非常喜欢这个大鼓。虽然他敲鼓的声音很难听，但妈妈却从不在意。汤姆爸爸因为白天工作，而且当爸爸回家时汤姆已经睡觉了，所以爸爸并没有听见过这些噪音。

但是，他们的一位邻居非常不高兴。几天后的一个早上，当她又一次听到汤姆的噪音时，她带着锋利的小刀来到汤姆家：”嘿，汤姆，你知道吗你的鼓里有好东西，打开它，我们一起找找那好东西吧