愉悦开心的英语笑话

导语：笑话来源于生活，经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言。下面美文故事小编马上为你带来几篇愉悦开心的英语笑话，希望你会喜欢。更多笑话尽在美文故事网笑话栏目。

1、 Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord..."God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." "Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."

爱因斯坦登上西奈山与上帝近距离交谈。仰望着上帝，他问道：“神啊，一百万年对于你来说相当于什么呢?”上帝回答：“一分钟。”爱因斯坦问：“一百万元对于你来说又相当于什么呢?”上帝回答：“一分钱。”爱因斯坦问：“能给我一分钱吗?”上帝说：“请等一分钟。”

2、 I lived in DC when I was young, and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He’d just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.

Dad was chatting up a farmer’s wife once，when I discovered this pig...

It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well, I was as curious as could be, so I asked the farmer:"Excuse me, sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?"

"Well, boy. That is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night, when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive."

"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"

"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids."

"Then why does the pig have a wooden leg?"

"I told you, boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!"

"Yes, sir. But why does he have a wooden leg!"

"Boy, a pig like that, you don’t eat all in one sitting!"

我小的时候生活在华盛顿。到了周末，爸爸常常带我们到南部的卡罗莱纳州去玩。正是在那里我们看到了什么是“真正的生活”。爸爸会沿路开一会儿车，然后把车停在路边，找农场里的人聊聊天。

正当爸爸和一个农妇聊天时，我发现了这只猪……

那只猪很漂亮，可只有三条腿，右后腿还是用木头做的!我对这点很好奇。于是就问那个农民：“先生，为什么你的猪有一只木头腿啊?”

“是这样的，孩子。这是一只勇敢的猪。有天晚上，我和妻子正在房里睡觉时，这只猪跑进来叫醒了我们，我们才知道房子着火了。我们立刻跑了出去，才保住了性命。”

“这只猪的腿是在那场火灾中烧坏的吗?”

“不是的，它完好无损地跑了出去。实际上，它甚至还跑了回去，把我们的孩子也救了出来。”

“那为何这只猪会有一只木头腿呢?”

“我已经告诉你了，孩子。那是只勇敢的猪!一只英勇的猪!它救了我们全家人的性命!”

“是的，先生。可是为何它有只木头腿呢?”

“孩子，像这样的猪，我们是不舍得一次就把它吃光的!”

3、 The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”

4、 Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill(蚁冢).

Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty

swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved

but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The

golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to

do?"

Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

从前有个高尔夫球手，他把球打到了一座蚁丘上。

他没有移动球的位置，而是决定就地击球。于是他使劲一挥球杆，尘土和着蚂蚁，四处飞扬

。所有的东西都动了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一动没动。

于是，他准备再次出击。又是一阵尘土飞扬，蚂蚁们也再次跟着遭殃。而高尔夫球还是纹丝

不动。

两只蚂蚁幸免于难，一只晕晕乎乎地对另一只说：“哇，我们怎么办啊?”

另一只蚂蚁说：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我准备爬到那只球上去。”

5、 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?

Please, teacher, said a small boy, I've made someone glad yesterday.

Well done. Who was that?

My granny.

Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.

Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I'm going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I'm glad’!

一个主日学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在，孩子们，她说：你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?

我，老师，一个小男孩说：昨天我就使别人高兴过。

做得好，是谁呢?

我奶奶。

好孩子，现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。

是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴!’

6、The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。

医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”