英语笑话

笑话来源于生活，却又可以让我们的生多些欢乐、开心，现在，美文故事小编为大家整理了最新英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子痛，一起来开心爆笑下。

When I was in Britain, one of my Chinese classmates wanted to make some chicken soup, so he went to the grocery. He said he wanted to buy "chicken," not knowing the word "hen." So when the grocer showed him a rooster, my classmate shook his head and said"I don't want this one, I want his wife!"

在英国，一中国同学去菜场想买母鸡回来炖汤喝，不会说hen，只说要chicken，人家指给他一个大公鸡，他摇摇头，说：I don't want this one, I want his wife.

经常讲一些笑话，不仅能给自己到来快乐，还能感染他人，这里小编收集整理了开心一刻英语笑话集锦，一起来看看吧!

1.有次房东问我did u eat anyting yet? 我说no.(没吃)

她听后重复了一遍so u didn't eat anyting. 我说yes...(吃了)

房东老太太犹豫了下，又问did u eat ?我说no.(没吃)

她接着说so u didn't eat .我说yes ......(吃了)

估计她当时要崩溃了

2.刚上班不久，有个公司的A/R打电话来催支票，我循例问了一下他是哪间公司打来的，那男的很有礼貌的说：“Thisis xxx calling from Beach Brother." 听懂了很开心，不过由于对公司名字还不熟，心想先用笔记下来公司名，省得等下忘记了，正得意忘形之间，顺嘴开始拼写人家公司的名字，还说得一本正经："b.i.t.c.h......bitch, correct?"……那男的终于还是没能忍住怒火，近似于怒吼似的对我喊道："NO!!! B.E.A.C.H.....BEACH!!!!!!"

接下来的一年里，没再跟这间公司又过任何生意往来......汗

会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看小编收集的校园开心英语小笑话，看看你的幽默指数吧!

Kristin,, my 17-year-old niece, had just gotten her driver's

license and offered to take her mom's car to the gas station. She

pulled up to the full-service pumps, and the attendant asked,"What

grade, miss?"

"Eleventh!" Kristin replied.

① niece n. 侄女④ full-service n. 昼夜服务

② license n. 驾驶执照⑤ pump n. 加油机

③ pull up 停止

我的十七岁的侄女，科里斯蒂，刚刚拿到驾照。她主动提出去加油

幽默的人不仅仅会说笑话，还要懂得他人说的笑话，这里小编收集整理了英语小笑话开心一刻，来测试一下你的幽默细胞的指数有多高吧!

1."Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。"

法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文?" 被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我!"

笑话来源于生活，却又可以让我们的生多些欢乐、开心，现在，美文故事小编CJ为大家整理了精选爆笑英语笑话2则，一起来开心爆笑下。

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”

爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，因为笑可以让人充满正能量，更能让自己面对挫折，勇往直前，这里美文故事小编CJ美文故事小编CJ收集整理了笑看英文谜语，让你爆笑每一天。

---What is the longest word in the world?

---Smiles

如果你去查字典找字母最多的词就错了。 Smiles 这个单词的第一个字母s和最后一个字母s中间的单词是mile (英里)。 所以单词首尾相隔了一英里长，当然就是世界上最长的单词。 这条谜语是典型的英文charades(字谜)。

---Which driver never commits a traffic offence?

---Screwdriver

Commit a traffic offence :违反交通规则。screwdriver(螺丝刀)。这条charades(字谜)的谜语是 用driver 这个单词的来做文章。如果你去纠结哪种司机不会违烦交通规则就猜不出来了。

---What occurs twice in a week, once in a year but never in a day?

---The letter E.

美文故事小编收集整理了中英翻译笑话大爆笑，希望你能喜欢，更多笑话请关注美文故事网冷笑话、爆笑笑话，幽默笑话，十万个冷笑话栏目!

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?

The little girl replied, "My homework."

小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。

总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里小编收集整理了英语笑话之三只乌龟搞笑集，让你的心情速速好起来。

Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.

三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。

Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。

The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“你回家去取伞吧。”

The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."

最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

"We won't," the other two promised.

“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

美文故事小编收集整理了英语笑话段子说，希望你能喜欢，更多笑话请关注美文故事网冷笑话、爆笑笑话，幽默笑话，十万个冷笑话栏目!

I was studying in Texas,the US.When I tried to tell our professor that "here I am," I said "I'm coming." The professor can't be more embarrassed.

在美国德州读书。当时想向教授表达"我来了"，然后我来了句"I'm coming"。教授整个人都不好了。

"I'm coming" is often said by people when they are about to have an orgasm. It's a phrase heard on American tv shows and movies and it's used in off-color jokes. Instead,"Here!" or "I'm not here but on the way" is what the professor thought he or she was going to hear.

爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，因为笑可以让人充满正能量，更能让自己面对挫折，勇往直前，这里美文故事小编CJ美文故事小编CJ收集整理了英语笑话之哪哪都疼，让你爆笑每一天。

　　Pain Everywhere

A man went to the doctor and explained, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

一个人跑到医生那里，说：“医生，我碰哪儿，哪儿疼。”

The doctor asked, "What do you mean?"

医生问，“什么意思?”

The man said, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, the pain is excruciating."

那个人说：“我摸我的肩膀的时候，真的很疼。摸膝盖的时候——哎呀!摸我的前额，真的是钻心的疼。”